Calming Your Anxious Mind Page 12

  I rode quite a distance with fear that morning. In fact, fear came and went and came back again many times. But each time it came, I was able to meet it the same way, using awareness of the breath as an anchor and consciously breathing in and out with the unfolding experience.

  Through this practice of mindful breathing, I was able to change my relationship to the fear experience in a fundamental way. I was able to stop relating from the fear, or as the fear, and instead relate to the fear. I began to relate to fear as just another element of my deep inner landscape.

  Each experience of fear, intense and disturbing as it was, became just something else floating there inside me in the cool New Mexico sky. Like the clouds that passed us, or the sunlight, or the other balloons, the fear experience itself changed moment by moment. It was not permanent. And it was not me.

  With my attention anchored on my breath, my mind and body calmed. Calm and focused attention enabled me to hold the fear as an event in my awareness and to notice its passing as well as its coming. After a while, I noticed it wasn’t always there. I could pay attention to the ride. Then, when fear returned, it didn’t seem so powerful. I began to feel more confident that I could handle the fear, and with that, I began to relax even more. By the time we landed the balloon, I really had enjoyed the ride.

  Responding Wisely to Fear & Anxiety

  Everything happens in the present moment. The elements of your life experience are happening now, in the present moment. There is always a choice in how you respond. In those moments when the fear reaction is present, in response to a real threat or as anxiety, the habitual and “unmindful” way is to feel overwhelmed and upset, and to react in fight-or-flight mode. In this “unwise” response, the tendency is to relate and to act from the experience of the feeling.

  You might even come to believe that you are the feeling. You might express this feeling of identifying with the fear reaction, thinking you have become the fearful experience, literally by saying, “I am such a coward” or “I am such an anxious person.”

  Everything else in your awareness in that moment is tainted by the fear reaction. Everything else is flavored by the intense unpleasantness of the fear reaction. You are literally seeing the world, living life, through the filter of fear.

  You may notice a tendency to contract and harden on the inside. You may begin to feel more solid, even clenched or gripping in your inner life in reaction to the unpleasantness you feel.

  The usual but unskillful reaction is to fight the unpleasantness of the fear reaction or try to flee from it. If you have a name for the fearful feeling, something like panic attack or fear of heights , you might feel even more helpless or even defective in some way because you have found no effective way to fight or to flee. This named unpleasantness keeps coming back into your inner world despite all manner of treatments and analysis. You may have come to believe this is a condition, a thing, which is stronger than you are .

  But, whether or not you have a name for the fearful condition, reacting from the feeling or identifying with it holds little promise of success.

  This is an “unwise” response because it is not based in the truth of how things are.

  Actually, “uninformed” might be a better term than “unwise.”

  In fact, you are not your fear reaction and it is not you. Also, no matter how intense your fear reaction is, it is not permanent. It depends on certain conditions and will leave when those conditions are no longer present. Most people have not been properly informed about these truths, and therefore continue to act in “unwise” ways when facing fear, anxiety, and panic.

  To have more hope of controlling fear, panic, and anxiety in yourself, you must forge a more skillful relationship to the moment-by-moment experience. This means relating to the fearful experience in a way that allows you to be with it instead of fighting with it or reacting blindly to it. The wise response, the mindful response, is to turn toward the experience with calm and focused attention.

  “More skillful” also means recovering (or discovering) your sense of ease and safety. It means softening and relaxing enough on the inside to be comfortable here in the present moment. It includes learning to enter and rest in the vast possibility of peace and stillness within.

  Discovering Calm & Ease by Paying Attention

  We have seen how meditation emphasizes directing attention and increasing awareness. Nonjudging, nonstriving, acceptance, letting go, and patience are crucial attitudes in practicing meditation. These attitudes must be practiced with each breath, especially in the intense moments dominated by fear and panic.

  The paradox is that the better way to gain control of fear, panic, and anxiety is to practice being , not doing. You must actually stop trying to control the feelings and instead allow them to unfold in the light of calm and focused attention .

  By allowing things to be as they are precisely in the moments that are most intense, you can break free from the old patterns of thinking and behaving that arise when your reactive, habit-driven mind is urging you to do something.

  The way to practice being is not by exercising willpower and gritting your teeth. Clenching and waiting is only another way you continue relating from the unpleasantness, though you might think otherwise. You are still in the center of it, fighting and reacting.

  The better and more skillful way to practice being is to let go of the fight and change your relationship to the unpleasantness. You can do this by paying attention in the moment in a different way. It is nonjudging, allowing, and nondenying. Mind, body, and experience are linked in awareness. This way is what we have been calling mindfulness.

  In order to establish mindfulness in the midst of intense unpleasantness and to calm your mind and body, it is usually necessary to start by taking a concentrated focus for your attention.

  Developing your capacity to access the deep calm at the innermost level of your being takes effort and patience. Periods of formal meditation, even periods of extended and intensive practice, are important. You can think of meditation as training for the mind. The habits of distraction and inattention that are so deep must be replaced by new habits of concentration and awareness. You only acquire these new habits by actual practice. Practicing leads to the direct experience of your deepest quality of being, a quality that is spacious and secure.

  Having a daily meditation practice is very important. It can start to help you right away. Doing formal and informal mindfulness practices is the way to develop these habits of awareness and concentration.

  Awareness of Breathing

  One of the oldest and most common meditation practices to build concentration and mindfulness focuses on the breath itself. We can call this meditation practice awareness of breathing , mindfulness of breathing , or awareness of the breath .

  Practicing awareness of breathing immediately brings you back to the present moment. With the breath as your focus, the natural ability of the mind and body to calm can arise. Also, very importantly, with the breath as your focus of attention, there is an immediate shift in perspective. You are now capable of taking a different relationship to all the other elements of your life experience present in the moment. It becomes possible for you to see them just as they are. This means that you are able to come into relationship to them and are no longer living from them or as them.

  The remainder of this chapter is devoted to the practice of awareness of breathing, both as a formal meditation practice and informally in situations of daily life. You will find meditation instructions and suggestions for your daily practice.

  You will benefit from taking this practice seriously. Practice as if your life depended on it. You never know when you will find yourself in a rapidly rising hot air balloon!

  meditation practice: awareness of breathing

  This is a simple yet profound meditation practice. The sensation of the breath is the primary object of nonjudging, allowing awareness. You practice by simply paying attention on purpose to the direct sensations of
breathing as they arise, change, and disappear. Whenever your attention moves off of the breath sensation, just notice that and gently escort your attention back to the breath.

  Concentrating attention in this way connects mind and body to the present moment and to a deep inner calm and steadiness. In this practice, you actually experience the capacity of your mind to be calm and stable, even in intense moments. The calm and steadiness extends to the body as you practice. Over time, in both formal meditation periods and informally in daily life, with consistent and regular practice, you can expect to feel a deeper sense of ease and relaxation in your body. You will discover a much more grounded and stable present-moment awareness.

  With attention established on the breath, you can use this conscious breathing practice to stay connected in difficult situations. By learning to breathe consciously into and out with whatever is happening, you teach yourself to remain present with calm attention. The breath is truly the anchor in the present moment.

  It can be helpful to remember that you do not have to do anything to your mind. You do not have to quiet it, or “blank your mind.” Your mind (and body) already know how to become quiet! All you have to do is give them the chance to do what they know how to do.

  By taking a gentle, welcoming, nonjudging attitude and paying attention on purpose to the sensations of this breath—now—here, your mind and body can do what they know how to do: enter a state of calm and ease, and provide a steady platform for observing and connecting with all that is happening in this moment.

  And, very importantly, from this base of calm and focused attention, your relationship to the moment-by-moment contents of your life experience actually changes. You can begin to recognize fear, panic, anxiety, or any other unpleasantness as a condition rather than as an identity or point of reference. From that realization, everything—your experiences and what you feel, think, and do—can change for the better.

  guided meditation: awareness of breathing

  Take your seat in a comfortable position in the place you choose for formal meditation. Allow yourself twenty to thirty minutes for this practice. Try to minimize distractions and interruptions.

  Spend the first few moments of your practice period reflecting on the attitudes that form the foundation for mindfulness practice. Mindfulness is about noninterfering, allowing presence. Recall nonjudging, patience, beginner’s mind, trust, nonstriving, acceptance, and letting go. In the beginning, pay particular attention to nonjudging and nonstriving. Let go of any agenda about changing fear, anxiety, panic, or anything else, and don’t try to make anything happen.

  Place both feet flat on the floor. Do something comfortable with your hands. Sit in a dignified way with your back, neck, and head in good alignment. Sit in a way that promotes alertness and wakefulness. Let your eyes close gently.

  Gather and collect your attention in the sensations of your body. Notice your feet on the floor, your back against the chair, your hands resting where they are, and your face and head where they are. Allow yourself to feel the heaviness of your body directly. Allow yourself to relax into the support of the chair and the floor beneath you. Let your body ease and settle as much as possible.

  Bring attention to your abdomen. Allow your abdomen to relax and become soft. Let the abdomen stay soft.

  Gather and collect your awareness on the sensations of your breath as it comes and goes. Concentrate your attention at the place in your own body where you can feel your breath come and go most easily and naturally. For some this is the abdomen, for others the chest, for others the nose or even the mouth (if you tend to breathe with your mouth open). Let your attention settle and focus exactly on that place where the breath sensations are easiest for you to feel. If you aren’t sure exactly where to focus, the abdomen is a good place to start. Let your attention rest there now. Allow yourself to feel the sensation of the breath moving in the body just as it is.

  Allow the breath to come and go without interfering or trying to control it. This practice is about strengthening attention and awareness, not controlling the breath. Keep the focus on just this breath. Let go of any thoughts about how many breaths or the next breath or the last breath. Just this breath. If it helps you to focus, you could whisper quietly to yourself in on the in breath, out on the out breath, and pause or space for the space between the breaths.

  Try to remain present for the entire cycle of each breath: in, out, space, in, out, and so on. As your attention strengthens and mindfulness grows, you can begin to notice the beginning of the in breath, the middle, and the end of it. Do the same for the out breath and the space.

  Let your attention settle more deeply into the variety of sensations of the breath in the body. Allow the feeling of the rise and fall of the abdominal wall, the actual stretching sensation, to be the focus. Notice the changing patterns of sensation, how each breath is different—some shallow, some deep, some strong, some weak, some rough, some smooth. Meet each breath with beginner’s mind, sensing it as if for the first time. In truth, each breath is here once and only once. Welcome it.

  When your attention wanders away from the breath sensation, do not be surprised. Gently notice where it went. Is it on another part of the body? A thought or series of thoughts? A sound outside someplace? Perhaps fear, or worry, or anxiety? No matter where your mind wanders, patiently and gently escort your attention back to the place in the body where you are concentrating on your breath sensation. Praise yourself for noticing that your attention has wandered. You have not made a mistake or done anything wrong. This is the habit of every mind. It will wander. Recognizing when the mind wanders is a moment of mindfulness. It is a part of the training of the mind that you have undertaken.

  Keep your belly soft. Notice if there is tightening and tension in the body. Allow softening and relaxing as much as possible. Do not try too hard. Do not try to make anything happen. Do not even try to become a “good” meditator. Simply make your best effort to pay attention to the breath sensations with nonjudging, allowing awareness. Let things be. Let distractions go. Return attention to your breathing.

  Please keep practicing this way until the end of your formal practice period. It is fine to open your eyes now and then to check the time. Just notice if you are checking very frequently. In that case, check the body for tension and the mind for distraction, boredom, or impatience. Try to let them be, and gently return attention to the breath sensation. Continue opening as much as possible and allow yourself to feel the sensations of each breath directly, as best you can.

  When distractions like fear, anxiety, restlessness, boredom, or sleepiness become intense and demand your attention, gently notice that. Notice any tendency to fight them. Try to let them be. Breathe in and out with them, including the distractions, as you focus on the breath. Allow the distraction. Consciously breathe in and out through it. Or, if the distractions are still too much, you might try to focus more sharply and closely on the breath sensation. Try focusing on a smaller area in the body. Try to feel the sensation in more detail and more continually. In this way, you actually strengthen concentration. You can find a steadiness inside. Be patient with yourself. None of this happens on the first try. The mind wanders. It is a fact. This is a practice that takes some effort and perseverance. You must find your own balance between making just enough effort to be present, and straining and striving too much. Each time you practice will be different. You are learning how to breathe mindfully in different situations: finding your breath, allowing, and breathing with and through any distractions.

  When the time has come for the end of your formal meditation practice period, gently open your eyes, wiggle your fingers and toes, and stretch your body if you like. Notice how you feel, then let that feeling go. Do not try to make any single meditation session, or how you feel afterward, the standard for how all others must be. Let the next practice be just that and only that. Let this practice session stand alone. If your mind tends to compare and to judge one session against another, just not
ice that and let it go. You haven’t made any mistakes by comparing. It is the habit of the judging mind. Be easy on yourself. Just let it go.

  Suggestions for Practicing Awareness of Breathing

  Awareness of breathing is a fundamental formal meditation practice. Through informal practice, it can become an integral part of your experience of being in the world. Both formal and informal practice of mindful breathing will help change your relationship to anxiety.

  Formal Meditation Practice

  Give yourself at least twenty to thirty minutes for each period of formal meditation. You can do more than that if you wish. This amount of practice will give you time to experience different things in your meditation and allow the mind and body to settle a bit. When you feel resistance to practicing, try to let it go. Keep practicing. Remember, you don’t have to like it, you just have to do it!

  Try to practice at least five days out of seven. The benefits you get from mindfulness are directly related to your practice of it. Even if you do not have your usual time to practice, do as much meditation as you can in the time you have. On the other hand, if something happens and you do not practice formal meditation on a given day, do not get discouraged or give up. It happens to everyone. Just begin again as soon as possible.

  Build your practice so that you do not rely on written or recorded instructions. It is okay to use these aids to get started, but the actual meditation instructions are not complicated. Eventually, you should be able to practice awareness of breathing without any external supports.

  Informal Meditation Practice

  Informal meditation practice means literally taking time throughout your day to stop and do the practice in different situations. You will find you can do any and all of the meditation practices in this book either formally (explicitly and primarily for longer periods of time) or informally (explicitly but for a moment here and there, while things are happening). Try this informal practice of awareness of breathing: Stop and breathe consciously. Practice breathing in and out with what is happening. Do it often. Experiment with it. Play with it. Discover the power of attention and presence in your life.