Calming Your Anxious Mind Page 11

  The Joy of Being Present

  A woman in a meditation class I once taught told me a lovely story about being present.

  I have been going to services at my church every Sunday for years. I love the music and have heard all the hymns so many times that I feel like I know them all. But yesterday was different. Since I have been in the mindfulness classes, I have learned to be more present for everything. Well, it really worked for me yesterday! At church Sunday, I was worried about some things. But I just stopped and began to focus on my breathing like we do in class, and on my body sensations. After a few minutes, I felt calmer. Then the choir started on one of my favorite hymns. I must have heard that one hymn a thousand times over the years, but this time it was different. It had never been so beautiful. I just listened. I really listened. And I really heard it: the organ, the voices, the words, all of it. It was so beautiful! I realized afterward that I had never been so present before. I had always been caught up in my thoughts or something else. It was wonderful to be present and to really hear the music!

  This woman’s story is an uplifting example of the power of being present. Being present, being more mindful, opens you to the richness of life in unexpected ways.

  You probably started this book seeking help with difficult or unpleasant experiences of fear, anxiety, or panic. That is fine, and there is a good chance that if you do the practices you learn in this book, your experience of anxiety and its grip on your life will diminish.

  However, now is a good time to recall that mindfulness is more than a technique for overcoming problems. In fact, the more you are able to let go of outcomes and just pay attention to what is here, the more powerful your mindfulness practice will become. That is one of the paradoxes of mindfulness. And one of the rewards is the fresh connection you will make with the everyday threads of your life.

  Be here for the beautiful music.

  Be here for the wonderful sunset .

  Be here for the warm touch of your loved one’s hand.

  Be here whenever beauty graces your life.

  Mindfulness is strengthened through daily habits of paying attention and practicing presence. It is not mysterious or difficult to understand. It does take effort, especially at first.

  So please don’t be hard on yourself when you notice that your mind wanders repeatedly. Don’t let frustration or doubt keep you from starting again. Just pay attention again to the little things. Relax and pay attention again . Keep coming back to the present. Let yourself fully notice what is here.

  Mindful Eating

  When I teach a meditation class, I often lead a mindful eating exercise at the first class meeting. I do this for several reasons.

  First, it demonstrates that mindfulness is a quality each of us already has. Even people who are new to mindfulness discover it right in the very first class.

  Second, people usually have some fun with it. Regardless of the serious and even painful problems that have brought them to the class, participants find themselves laughing, or remembering things, or just feeling more alive after the mindful eating. This demonstrates another basic point. By being more present, you are more alive! And you can actually feel it.

  Third, by slowing down and paying attention on purpose with an attitude of curiosity and not-knowing, the participant is practicing core elements of the mindfulness approach. This stopping and being with what is here with nonjudging awareness is mindfulness practice. The participant gets a powerful lesson immediately in how to practice.

  Other valuable lessons are embedded in this exercise. They include realizing that any activity can be the focus for mindfulness, getting a taste of the wandering habits of the mind, and recognizing how easily thoughts and “stories” come between you and the direct experience of the moment .

  You can begin your mindfulness practice on this vital element of daily living, eating. You can experience directly the naturalness and availability of mindfulness for yourself. You can begin to realize the joy of being present and the power of paying attention on purpose. And you will begin to get to know the wandering, doubt, and distractedness of your own mind! Be friendly and compassionate with yourself and all of these tendencies.

  Are you ready? Let’s begin.

  Mindfulness is nonjudging, nonstriving awareness. It is cultivated by paying kind and careful attention in as much detail and with as much sensitivity as possible. You can apply this attention and awareness to any activity. Eating mindfully demonstrates the natural availability of mindfulness as well as the potential richness in each activity and moment if you can be present for it.

  In practicing mindful eating, you simply pay attention to the experience of eating moment by moment. To do this, you must stop everything else you are doing and really pay attention.

  Guided Meditation: Eating a Raisin Mindfully

  Select three or four raisins. Hold them in your hand. Sit comfortably and begin to examine them as if you have never seen or tasted a raisin before. Use all your senses. Look at the raisins. What can you discover about the raisins and about eating them? Let curiosity arise in you. Whenever your mind makes up a story about what you are doing, try to let go of that story and return your focus to the raisins.

  After a bit, select one raisin and pick it up with your fingers. Let yourself feel it. Turn it over and look at it more closely. Try holding it to the light and notice how the light shines through it or not. Take plenty of time. Notice any tendency to feel impatient or bored. Notice any movement of your mind away from the raisin or into a story about it or a story about anything else. Whenever your mind moves away into a story or another focus, be kind with yourself. You have not made a mistake or done anything wrong. Just bring your attention back to the raisin as gently as you can.

  Bring the raisin to your ear. Rub your fingers across it. What do you hear? Try the other ear. Try different speeds for your fingers. Can you stay present? Does the raisin make a sound when rubbed? Notice any thoughts or judgments in your mind. Kindly and gently let them go. Return to listening to the raisin. Take all the time you need. Notice any tendency to rush. Notice impatience or frustration. Be kind to yourself. Gently acknowledge these feelings and return attention to the raisin.

  Bring the raisin near your nose. Can you smell it? How does it smell? Can you stay present for the smell itself, not getting lost in the story, not making up a story about how you like or don’t like what is present? Is the smell earthy, sweet, sour, or perhaps nothing much? Is it pleasant or unpleasant?

  Bring the raisin to your mouth, but don’t put it in yet. Notice what is happening inside your mouth. Is saliva forming? Where is it concentrated most strongly? Is your tongue moving? Pay attention as carefully as you can.

  After a time, move the raisin to your lips, open them, and take the raisin into your mouth. Pay careful attention to what happens next. How does the whole raisin feel in your mouth? What else is happening in your mouth? Let the raisin move around some before you chew it. How does that happen? How does that feel? Notice whether there are thoughts going on, or stories, or judgments. Just let them go. Try to keep the focus on the direct sensation unfolding in your mouth around the raisin.

  When you are ready, begin to chew the raisin. Notice what happens with the first bite into it. What is the taste? Is it sweet, sour, earthy, bitter, or something else? Is it smooth, grainy, chewy, or what? Does the taste change as you chew it? How? Where in your mouth is the taste the strongest? Try to stay present for the changes that happen as you chew. What can you discover about the taste of the raisin and the activity of chewing? Notice how the raisin disappears. How swallowing happens. What is left? Is there still some taste after the chewing and the swallowing stop? Where in the mouth is there taste? Please allow yourself to sit with all that is here now. What do you notice?

  After a time, bring your attention to the second raisin. As you look at it, you might allow yourself to reflect on what is in the raisin and on the conditions required to bring it here to you now. This is
not an exercise in deep or heavy analysis. It is simply allowing yourself to see how the raisin is the product of conditions of sunlight, earth, water, nutrition, and the care and activity of living things, including human beings. It started as part of a grapevine, grew into a grape, was picked, dried, packaged, and brought to a market, where you found it and brought it home and into your hand just now. Reflecting on anything in this way can help you to see the connectedness and interdependency of things all around you, including things as simple as a raisin.

  Gently bring your attention back to the second raisin. You have not seen this raisin before. It is not the same raisin as any other raisin you have ever seen or eaten. Notice any tendency to lose interest or to break contact with this raisin because a part of your mind thinks it knows all about raisins or has “been here, done this” before. Can you let that “knowing” mind go? Can you be here with this raisin with the beginner’s mind? Can you be at least as focused (if not more) on this raisin as you were on the first? Look at it. Touch it. Listen to it. Smell it. Chew and taste it. Swallow it. Notice it. What do you discover about this raisin-eating experience?

  Repeat the practice with the third and fourth raisins. Try to be fresh and present with each one. Notice impatience and boredom, or frustration, or doubt, or any form of thinking or mental conditions that separate you from the direct experience of each raisin you eat. In noticing these tendencies, be kind to yourself. When your mind does wander, when stories or judgments or impatience do arise, it is okay. You have not made any mistakes! This is exactly what happens. You are using your mindfulness now. You are noticing what is happening now. Can you practice acceptance and patience with the experience of being mindful now?

  Being Present with a Calm Mind & a Relaxed Body

  How did you like the raisin-eating practice?

  When people first try this, they are often amazed at what they discover about raisins and about themselves.

  They may say something like “I didn’t know they were so sweet.” Or “I don’t really like raisins, but now I don’t know why.” (Or “I do know why!”) Or “They don’t have much taste until you bite into one. ”

  It is also common for people to get into elaborate stories or just bursts of memories related to raisins, like “I remembered helping my grandmother make oatmeal-raisin cookies at Christmas.”

  There is no right or wrong about what you notice. The whole point is to establish mindfulness by making the effort to pay attention on purpose and in an allowing, nonjudging way.

  The discoveries you make about raisins or anything else in daily life, on the inside of your skin or the outside of it, depend directly on the quality of attention and awareness you develop.

  Mindfulness & the Relaxation Response

  Did you notice any difference in the state of your mind or body as you went through the exercise? Many people report they feel quieter, more relaxed, and more present after mindfully eating the raisins.

  This illustrates another basic principle of mindfulness. When you concentrate attention without striving or judging but with the attitude of curiosity and caring, the relaxation response can arise. This natural capacity to calm the mind and relax the body is wired into each of us.

  This calming and relaxing of mind and body is an important element in all meditation practices. A base of calm and relaxed attention in a relaxed body is vital for mindfulness to deepen.

  But remember, the ultimate goal in mindfulness practice is not simple relaxation! Mindfulness is about paying attention with sensitive and nonjudging awareness. If fear or worry or anxiety is here, you practice mindfulness by paying attention to it, just like you tasted the raisins. Calm and relaxation support you in staying present, especially with upsetting and stressful conditions like fear, worry, and anxiety .

  Invitations to Practice Mindfulness in Daily Life

  As a gentle way of growing your mindfulness practice, start to pay more attention to the everyday activities of your life.

  Eat a meal mindfully at least once a day. Or eat at least a few bites mindfully. Snack mindfully. If you snack for reasons besides being hungry, pay attention more carefully to what is happening.

  Pick a daily activity to do mindfully. This could be brushing your teeth, getting dressed, taking a shower, walking the dog, washing the dishes, or anything else. Slow down enough to notice the various experiences you feel, see, hear, smell, and taste, and notice what your mind is commenting or thinking.

  Pay more attention in the different situations of daily life. As you travel from place to place. In meetings or at work. Taking breaks at your workstation. In your garden. At sunset. At sunrise. At the gym. Wherever you are, try to taste the experience like you tasted the raisins.

  Don’t worry if you do not have much time. You have all the time you need. As you start to make time to be present, you will find that the feelings of urgency and low-grade panic that drive your life are only feelings themselves. They arise and change and pass away like everything else.

  Keep in Mind

  We live in the present moment, yet habits of inattention and absence keep us from living fully and connecting deeply with what is here. By becoming more mindful of everyday activities such as eating, doing chores, or bathing, you can discover a richness and intimacy with life. This intimacy then becomes the base for increasing joy and wonder as you face life’s challenges.

  Chapter 9

  Establishing Mindfulness, Breath by Breath

  Establishing a calm and focused attention links the mind and body to the experience of the present moment. This principle is central to all meditative traditions. In times of fear and great anxiety, it can also be one of the most difficult aspects of meditation practice.

  Meditation teachers emphasize that you must train your attention. The tendency of the mind is to wander. In this chapter, you’ll discover the benefits of learning to establish calm and focused attention.

  Using Mindful Breathing to Relate to Fear: The Balloon Story

  Several years ago my wife, Mary, and I were invited by an old friend, Steven, to join his balloon crew at the annual hot air balloon festival in Albuquerque, New Mexico. We said yes enthusiastically. As crew members, Mary and I joined a team of several others, all of whom were needed to handle our balloon.

  The basket of our balloon was enclosed by wicker-like material from the floor up to a railing at a height only slightly above my waist. Riders in the basket held on either to one of the four corner rods connecting the basket to the balloon or to the waist-high railing.

  Now, to be perfectly honest, I have never been that comfortable with heights. At least not heights where the only thing between me and the ground hundreds or thousands of feet below is a waist-high guardrail. I have no explanation for this reaction in myself. I have learned to work with it over the years, and it has not limited my activities.

  After seeing the basket and hot air balloon setup, my first instinct was that I would be wise to remain a ground-based crewmember. However, Steven was very excited, and quite emphatic and persuasive about how much I would like the trip. As a token of our friendship, he offered Mary and me a place in the basket on one of the first flights in the festival. How could I refuse?

  The next thing I knew, I was climbing into the basket, Steven was firing the gas heater overhead, the balloon was expanding, and suddenly, silently, we left the ground.

  Everything was fantastic for the first few minutes, as the ground fell away and I looked around, feeling the cool air and captivated by the spectacle of other balloons rising in the beautiful Albuquerque dawn. Then I felt the basket move sideways as the balloon caught a wind current. I looked down over the railing and saw the ground crew, the vehicles, buildings, everything, shrinking. Then I felt the first wave of fear.

  My experience of fear was the usual one. There was a feeling of slight dizziness, some weakness in the knees, a sense of my heart pounding, and a tightening feeling in the throat and gut. My hands were already clutching the railing.
I didn’t want to move in any direction, and wasn’t sure that I could.

  Around me, Mary and Steven were excitedly pointing at things going on all around us. They moved about easily in the open basket, despite its now frequent slight swinging motion. They implored me to let go of the rail and turn and look in other directions. Steven kept firing the heater, and we rose higher and higher. I could only grin through clenched teeth and turn stiffly to look either way over my shoulder while maintaining my death grip with both hands on the guardrail. I wished I had stayed on the ground, but knew at that point there was no going back.

  The realization that I had to cope was actually helpful. There was no choice except to deal with the fear. There was literally no way to get relief until the balloon landed. I remembered that I did have many years of meditation experience and decided that I would likely need all of it! So I began to focus my attention very deliberately and sharply on the experience of my breathing.

  Just as I had been taught and had done in my own meditation practice over the years, I let the breath be just as it was and let the situation be just as it was.

  I directed my complete attention to the unfolding sensations of my breath, especially my out breath. After just a few breaths, I noticed some relief. I was able to locate the feelings of fear in my body. I was able to breathe in and out with the fear, holding the sensations in the cradle of the breath. I was able to soften some around the sensations and the situation, and could actually begin to see and appreciate the spectacular scene unfolding around me. I started to move about in the basket and began to take more interest in the ride.