Calming Your Anxious Mind Read online

  The following meditation practices—Noticing Space and The “Yes” Practice—can be very helpful in refining your practice of mindfulness, especially when facing intense and distressing experiences like anxiety, fear, and panic. Both of these are done, as all mindfulness practices, with the qualities of acceptance, nonjudging, and nonstriving embedded and operational moment by moment, and breath by breath .

  Meditation Practice: Noticing Space

  Space is always present in this moment. It is there between the things you see, objects in a room, for example, or between leaves and branches on a tree. It is also there between sounds, words, or outside noises. And, it is there between the experiences of your inner life such as the sensations of each breath or the thoughts in your mind.

  When practicing either formal or informal meditation, let yourself relax, and stop trying to make anything happen. Softening a bit, perhaps, let your attention turn to the space around you and inside of you. Gently begin to notice space, wherever you can sense it.

  You may want to begin with open eyes, looking and noticing the physical space around you. It is easy to see the objects first. We are conditioned that way. Shifting your attention from the objects, try seeing the space between the objects. Try noticing smaller and larger spaces, even noticing how some spaces change shape in front of you as the objects move.

  When you are ready, close your eyes and begin to notice the space within. It might help to focus on the space between your breaths, or the space between the sounds you are hearing. Relax as you notice. There is no hurry. No place else to go. Let yourself rest in those spaces. Let your attention return there as often as you like. As you turn more and more attention to the space in your life, you may begin to notice that you enter a deeper and quieter interior space, and that this space within remains, and is capable of containing temporary intensities and disturbances like anxiety, fear, or panic.

  During times when anxiety, fear, panic, or any distressing experience is present and crowding you, see if you can find its “edge.” Turn attention gently toward the space that surrounds it. Notice and release any tendency to “make war” or to “get rid” of the unpleasantness or upset, instead making space for that , and focusing kind attention on it, allowing it to exist within a larger space. See what happens next as you work with space, acceptance, and kind attention .

  Meditation Practice: The “Yes” Practice

  The habits of aversion and ill will are deep, swift to arise, and often unconscious. One can be already deeply caught up in fighting the upset without knowing when or how the fight started!

  Coupled with mindful attention to what is happening, the simple practice of saying “yes” to experiences as you become aware of them can release you from the deep habits of reactive aversion, and help you stay connected to the present moment.

  The instructions are simple: As you are practicing mindfulness formally or informally, and you notice any pain or resistance arising, name the pain or upset that is present, and respond with a friendly “yes” to that experience, as if talking to it directly. For example: “Fear about my health, yes!” “Pain in my tooth, yes!” “Anxiety and worry about my job, yes!”

  You may want to try this in informal practice (the situations of daily life). For example: “Stuck in traffic, not moving, yes!” “Angry about what my coworker just said, yes!” “Frightened by the people walking toward me, yes!”

  A practical note: saying “yes” to experience assumes you have done or will do what needs to be done as a skillful response. It does not mean being a doormat.

  The “yes” practice is a way for you to activate openheartedness as you pay attention moment by moment. Being mindful—noticing what is happening as it is happening—implies making space, being accepting, and not becoming lost in aversion and reactivity. By saying “yes” to experience, you can release the habits of judging and striving for something else, and thus taste true mindfulness more deeply .

  Keep in Mind

  The reluctance to turn toward anxiety, fear, and panic is natural, and is a by-product of the feelings themselves. Wisdom, healing, and freedom from habits of reaction and aversion lie in learning how to make more interior space for upset, and how to stop making war on our pain.

  Part 3

  Applying Mindfulness to Fear, Anxiety & Panic

  Chapter 14

  Common Concerns about These Meditation Practices

  Now you have had a chance to do some meditation practice with mindfulness and kindness. It is likely that you have developed some questions based in your direct experience of these meditation practices. This is good. It shows that you have been practicing! You are gaining intimacy with your interior life through attention and awareness.

  One of the central themes of this book is that you can better manage fear, anxiety, and panic if you can learn to make each of those unpleasant states the object of mindfulness.

  You will be most successful if you make mindfulness a way of living. It should become an approach to life itself rather than a “technique” that you apply only when fear, anxiety, or panic is present. If you have gotten into daily habits of mindfulness and kindness, then when fear, anxiety, or panic arises, you will find it much easier to treat it as just something else to practice with. Establishing a daily meditation practice is the best way to make mindfulness a way of living .

  As you practice meditation and mindfulness in a consistent and ongoing way, it is natural to develop questions. Asking your questions and finding appropriate responses to them will deepen your meditation practice. Questioning and practice together will also add strength and confidence as you meet and manage fear, anxiety, panic, or any other stressors or challenges in life.

  Reading other books, listening to tapes, and talking with other meditators and meditation teachers are all ways to answer questions that you might have. But remember, the best answers will always come from your own practice experience with mindfulness, in formal meditation and informally in daily life. Always test the answer from anyone else against your own experience. How does it work for you?

  To cultivate a mindful life takes real practice and commitment. You need commitment, and the patience, acceptance, and determination that accompany it, to challenge the powerful habits of perception and strongly held attitudes that we, as human beings, develop over a lifetime.

  Meditation teachers like to say that meditation is a training of the mind and heart. When you meditate consistently and with proper instructions and effort, you are training yourself to overcome the power of old habits. In particular, the habits of inattention, distraction, and absence, plus those of criticism and constant commentary, can be big obstacles and are important to overcome. This training of the mind and heart will also help you overcome habitual reactions to fear, anxiety, and panic.

  When you learn to meditate, you train your mind in peaceful abiding. This means you are training your mind and heart and body to remain calm, at peace, and aware in the present moment.

  Remember that you already have what it takes for peaceful abiding. From the perspective of mindfulness, you already have a mind and heart that are joyful, calm, and clear. No matter what you think is wrong with you, there is more that is right than wrong.

  Unfortunately, you may not always agree. This is probably because you have encountered obstacles, both in life and in your meditation practice. These obstacles are created by habits and conditioning that block your sense of connection with—and full expression of—the deep and profound inner qualities of stillness and clarity .

  It is important to see these obstacles for what they are. They are not you. They are not permanent. It is only by practicing meditation and the various mindfulness methods that you will become aware of the obstacles and limiting habits in your own life. From this point of view, any question you have is a good one. An interesting thing about these obstacles and habits is we all have them!

  The questions and concerns you are about to read are ones that people have wheneve
r they take up mindfulness meditation (or, indeed, many other types of meditation). They reflect the basic human experience of the wandering mind, desire for pleasant things, and aversion or anger toward unpleasant things. The commonness of these concerns shows that we are more alike than different as human beings.

  Common Concerns about Meditation Practice

  I don’t have time to meditate. What should I do?

  Have you made meditation a priority? Having a meditation practice is just like having any other commitment. You have to make it a priority. It can help to remember your original motivation. Why do you want to take up meditation? The bottom line is this: if you want to meditate, you have to make time to do it. Do you have time to heal your life?

  Meditation is too boring.

  When people complain that meditation is too boring, they usually have some unreasonable expectations about what meditation can do for them. Or they have a mistaken idea of what meditation is.

  In mindfulness practice, you should investigate whatever is here. This calls for a willingness to allow yourself to experience whatever is happening, including the feeling of boredom. Can you breathe into the experience and stay present with it? Allow it to unfold and reveal itself. Boredom often has elements of negative judgment and self-talk. There is frustration that can actually be felt in the body, and aversion for some aspect of what is present. The next time you feel “bored” in your meditation, try to take a closer look at what is actually going on. What you discover will not be boring.

  When I sit still and meditate, it makes me more anxious.

  Isn’t that interesting? Do you think that it might be possible that you are not actually more anxious, but that by stopping and sitting still, you have become more aware of the anxiety that is already present? In meditation, you have dropped the habits of inattention, distraction, and absence that have kept you out of touch with the anxiety. You are more mindful of it now.

  To master the feelings of worry, anxiety, and panic, you must understand them. This does not mean merely having more thoughts or information about the feelings. Some thoughts and information are necessary, but you must also understand the experience directly from the inside as it unfolds and develops.This experiential learning aspect is integral to the mindfulness approach. You are learning what it means to work with the agitated mind by being there with kind and focused awareness while it happens. You are learning to recognize and not fall victim to the reactivity of your own mind in the face of such intense states as worry and anxiety. So when anxiety arises in your meditation, remember that you have not done anything wrong. Just breathe into the anxiety and the situation, and make the anxiety experience itself the object of your attention and awareness. See if you can make enough inner space around the experience to allow it to unfold.

  But I don’t like the feeling. I want to get away from it. I don’t want to feel it anymore.

  That is understandable. Anyone dealing with the unpleasantness and disruption of chronic fear or anxiety has those feelings of aversion and desire for relief. But have you ever really been able to get away from the anxiety? Or has your life become a constant state of monitoring the mind and body for any trace of anxiety’s return? Have you become anxious about the anxiety? Has the anxiety, in whatever form, become an enemy in your own mind and body? Do you feel at war in your own mind and body ?

  At some point in dealing with chronic conditions of pain, stress, fear, or anxiety, almost everyone feels this way. This is where the practices of kindness and compassion for yourself, and the capacity for deep relaxation and relief through concentration on the breath and through the body-focused practices, are very useful.

  When such dislike and ill will for the anxiety is present, please recognize that it is your relationship to anxiety that must change before anything else can. This means stopping the war and being willing to be present and allow what is happening.

  It can also be helpful to remember that it is often aversion or dislike for what is happening that is the most difficult energy present, even more than the unpleasantness of pain or anxiety. When you are feeling like you don’t like what is happening or that you have to get away, try noticing the actual feeling of “don’t like” or “get away.” Try naming “aversion” or “dislike” and seeing if you can discern that energy as a separate one from any other experience that may be present. Notice where it is in your body, and how it feels; try to make room for it, allowing it to reveal itself to you more deeply.

  One way I like to practice mindfulness is by the simple instruction “relax and stay present.”

  The first and most difficult task in working with such intense disruptions as anxiety and panic is simply establishing and maintaining attention in a relaxed and calm way. It is very difficult to remain present and mindful when there is great upset and tension.

  Notice the upset. Name any aversion or dislike you feel for it. Relax, soften, and open to those feelings as best you can. Focus your attention clearly. Have patience and generosity for yourself in the situation.

  By concentrating attention and by using kindness and compassion for yourself in a skillful way, you can stay present and rest in a stronger place of relaxation and attention, and awareness can become clearer.

  Recognize and accept that things are this way—now. Then work in practical ways to take care of yourself and to comfort yourself just as you would your own child or a friend who was in distress. Stop the negative self-talk and the critical commentary. If it won’t stop, allow it. See it as only more thinking—nothing else. Then use the body scan, walking meditation or other mindful movement, or breath awareness to focus attention and to find the stillness and spaciousness that is also present in this moment.

  Practice mindful breathing as the situation is happening. Breathe with awareness in and out, over, under, and through the anxiety, and allow the cradle of the breath to hold all that is present. Let that place of inner stillness become the container for the agitated mind and all of the aversion and despair that has accumulated there.

  I’m sorry, but I just can’t seem to sit still. I am just so anxious. Am I too anxious to meditate?

  This is not an unusual feeling or an uncommon question. The short answer is no, you are not too anxious to meditate. The long answer involves something more. It is related to what we talked about in the previous question.

  The first thing to remember is that the truth about anxiety and worry, even about panic, is that they are not you. They are actually only conditions that flow in and out of the present moment. Confusion arises when the intensity of these conditions leads you to begin to identify with them and become lost in a reaction to them. Remember how the mind and body communicate and feed each other? This is what is happening.

  A core principle of meditative disciplines is to establish calm and focused attention. What this means is that when you are feeling overwhelmed by anxiety, you must find some way to focus mindful attention in the present moment. This usually means establishing and reestablishing attention.

  As you work with sharpening attention, remember to let go of trying to change anything. See if curiosity about the condition can help you to focus. Remember to keep your belly soft, and to let yourself be as open and receptive to the experience as possible. Making room for the upset means recognizing any dislike for it and stopping the fight against it as you focus and refocus attention.

  In this book we have worked extensively using awareness of the breath sensation as the vehicle for establishing and maintaining the connection with the present moment. You have practiced breathing in and out with whatever is happening. This conscious breathing, practiced with what is happening, establishes a focus of attention in the present moment and links the mind and body with the unfolding experience. It allows for a softening and opening that does not try to change the experience, but instead permits it to be what it is.

  The method you use to establish calm and focused attention is not as important as that you do it. For example, sometimes yo
u may be able to establish attention by practicing mindful breathing. At other times, you may have to do some kind of mindful movement like walking meditation or yoga before you can sustain attention on the experience that is happening.

  When you are able to observe the anxiety with a better focus, the anxiety itself can be the object of mindfulness. You will be able to allow the sensations and thoughts more easily without becoming lost in them or reacting to them. You will have broken your identification with them, and this will allow you to respond rather than react to them.

  It all begins with establishing calm and focused attention.

  I don’t think I have the discipline to meditate. It’s just not for me.

  Challenge yourself to take a closer look at what you are saying to yourself. What is present in your own mind and heart when those thoughts arise?

  When people say they don’t have the discipline to meditate, it’s usually because they have tried to meditate but obstacles have come up. The demands of their life and the habits of inattention, distraction, and absence have roared back at them. Self-doubt usually follows that roar. People begin to doubt their own ability and strength to deal with the obstacles.

  Remember that mindfulness, kindness, and compassion are allies. The practices act as a friend to accompany you and help you deal with the challenges you meet in life. You don’t have to be “perfect” at doing the meditation. There is nothing to attain. Just doing the practices is good enough. Work with them and learn how and where they fit into your life. You will change, the practices will change, and circumstances will change. Just relax and work with them now, as best you can.