Calming Your Anxious Mind Read online

In this book you will learn several methods of meditation, all aimed at developing mindfulness. Awareness of breathing , choiceless awareness , body scan , walking meditation , and loving-kindness are the formal meditation practices you will learn. The emphasis is slightly different in each one.

  I recommend that you begin with two to three weeks focusing on awareness of breathing, body scan, and walking meditation. (If you happen to already have a yoga practice, you can continue doing it mindfully in place of the walking meditation. Both yoga and walking meditation are body movement practices .) In weeks four and five, begin the practices of choiceless awareness and of loving-kindness.

  In general, you should do some sitting meditation and some body-focused meditation each day. Sitting practices include the awareness of breathing, choiceless awareness, and loving-kindness. The body- focused practices include body scan and walking meditation (as well as yoga, which is outside the scope of this book).

  People often manage this by doing about twenty to thirty minutes of sitting practice plus another twenty to thirty minutes of body-focused practice each day. They often split these up into two different practice sessions.

  After about six weeks of practice, you will be ready to develop your own schedule for practice using the different methods. This calls for experience with the different practices, and for recognizing your own resonance with a particular one. Some people choose to deepen the practice method they felt most at home with, while others spend at least some time working on a method they found more difficult.

  It is very important to stick with whatever practice you choose. A good program would be to do the same sitting practice daily (at least five to seven times a week) for at least two to four weeks. The same commitment is good for the body-centered practice. Try to avoid “sampling” one, then the next, without really digging in and experiencing a single practice deeply.

  As you actually do the practices in this book, you will develop a feel for them and how they fit for you. Your goal is to experience growth in your capacity to be present with clarity and openness. Each of the different practices offers something valuable to help you.

  If you like, you can use the meditation instructions in chapters 8 through 12 as scripts to make a tape or CD to practice with. Remember to read slowly and to pause a few breaths between each section of the instructions.

  Being a Gentle Reminder for Yourself

  Bringing mindfulness into your life is a kind of training of the mind and heart. Like any other training, it takes some work. Effort, energy, and discipline are required. You can help yourself by taking a patient and gentle attitude. By being a gentle reminder to yourself, being a friend, essentially, to your own practice, you will find powerful support and assistance opening to you as you meditate daily .

  Overcoming Resistance

  Encouraging yourself to practice formally, especially when you don’t feel like it, can make all the difference in establishing a regular practice habit. First, just recognize the resistance that is present. Then, try to be kind and patient with yourself if you don’t feel like practicing. At the same time, you must be firm, like a good parent, or encouraging, like a good friend, so that you do continue to meditate despite the habits of resistance, which everyone faces and must overcome.

  Cultivating Informal Practice

  It is very helpful and important to develop your informal practice of mindfulness by reminding yourself throughout the day to be present. For example, you might stick a little note with a single word such as remember or breathe in places where your daily routine takes you: the bathroom mirror, the phone, the refrigerator, the dashboard of your car, or your computer monitor at work. When you see this word, simply remind yourself that you are alive. Return to presence by paying attention to your breath and your body for a few moments without striving or judging.

  Keeping a Journal

  A final suggestion is to keep a log or practice record. By noting what you did each day and any questions or problems you faced, you can support the development of your meditation practice. Many people like to record the actual number of minutes they practiced and which practice they did. Over time, this provides a point of reference and a foundation for deepening your practice.

  Enlisting the Support of Others

  The support of the people you live with is especially important. They do not have to meditate with you, or even at all, but it is important that they respect your choice to meditate. This support ranges from not dismissing or demeaning what you are doing to helping more actively by maintaining relative quiet during your practice time or taking care of children, pets, or other responsibilities long enough for you to have time to meditate.

  Finding other people to meditate with, at least some of the time, is also a powerful support. People often comment about the increased strength and clarity they feel when meditating with even one or two friends. If you have this support even once or twice weekly or monthly, it can be a great help, especially in difficult times when your own meditation practice feels shaky or fragile.

  Counseling or Other Professional Support

  Meditation is not the same as counseling or psychotherapy. Meditation is not a substitute for counseling or psychotherapy, either. Today, many professional counselors and therapists are encouraging their clients to learn and practice some form of meditation as part of the process of therapy, and there is a growing interest in how these two processes can work together.

  Many people who take up mindfulness practice are not in any sort of counseling relationship, nor do they need to be. However, professional support may be particularly helpful when you are learning meditation to address anxiety or panic. By practicing mindfulness meditation, you are inviting whatever is inside to come out. Meditation is a very inclusive practice. This is a key element of the power of mindfulness to heal and transform you.

  But a price comes with this. It is possible that you may actually feel more anxious at times as your awareness grows. You may begin to connect with pain, old wounds, grief, or fears that become so intense that you would benefit from the help of a professional counselor or therapist. There is no shame in this. Be prepared to recognize this if it happens to you, and take the appropriate next step .

  Meditation & Prescribed Medications

  Some prescription medications can work against your meditation practice by making you too drowsy or too restless. If you find this is the case, consult with your prescribing physician and work to try to reduce these disruptions. It is important that you do all you can to enable yourself to be present and alert.

  Many people take up mindfulness-based meditation with the hope of actually stopping or reducing their medications. This is a worthy goal and is realistic for some people. However, you should not stop or change how you take your medication without first consulting with your physician. As your meditation practice grows and strengthens, you may well be able to reduce or even discontinue a medication. As you feel able to do this, be a good partner with your physician by asking the safest way to proceed.

  Readings, Tapes & Other Meditation Guides

  There are thousands of books, tapes, and videos about meditation. In using these, it is important to recognize the context and message of the material. You may have already discovered that different aids can give what appears to be directly conflicting advice. In using any such aid skillfully, it is important to remember that meditation must be experienced and that you must do it for yourself.

  Mindfulness is about being present with openness and clear awareness of whatever is here. Sensitivity and clarity grow over time with your practice of meditation. The goal of any aid is to help you develop this quality of awareness, often by emphasizing a particular aspect or factor useful in practice. Keep in mind that a particular aid with its specific set of instructions is only one way, not the way.

  Different meditation teachers often give somewhat different instructions or emphasize a different aspect of the instructions. If you work with different meditation teac
hers, books, and tapes, you will probably notice these variations. Do not take any one too literally. Instead, try to understand the essence of what is being taught. Do not let minor variations in instructions or wording throw you off in your own practice. Learn to stand strong in your own mindfulness practice by your own direct experience of wakefulness and presence.

  Your goal should be to build a regular meditation practice that does not depend on any tape, book, or script. As you gain meditation practice experience—as you learn through your own experience—you will become less and less dependent on such guides. However, you will probably always find it valuable to continue to read and try on different ideas and practice instructions in your meditation practice. In this way, your practice stays alive and supports your own growth and transformation.

  Deepening Through Intensive Practice & Retreats

  The habits of inattention and absence are strong. They are cultivated by our tendency to be busy every waking hour. Practicing meditation an hour or so each day is a powerful way to begin to break the habits of inattention and to replace them with habits of presence. Longer, more intensive periods of meditation can also be very helpful in deepening practice.

  Many meditation centers offer daylong retreats at which everyone practices meditation and mindful movement. These retreats are usually conducted in silence, and provide a powerful taste of the levels of stillness and clear awareness that are difficult to access in the rush of daily life.

  This form of intensive meditation practice is worthy of your consideration. As your practice experience grows, you might experiment with longer periods of meditation and mindful movement. For example, you could do a single two-hour session or a half day devoted to meditation and movement. At some point, you could try a full day. Somewhat later, you may want to consider a weekend or even a weeklong meditation retreat.

  In any of these longer and more intensive experiences of meditation, you would be wise to work with an experienced teacher. Fortunately, there are a growing number of retreat centers and other facilities offering teacher-led retreats.

  Possible Hindrances to Meditation

  In order to have success with your mindfulness meditation practice, it is important to examine areas of your life that may be especially painful or difficult. Use of alcohol or other drugs or ongoing trauma or toxicity in a relationship or other situation deserve particular attention.

  Use of Alcohol & Other Drugs

  It is practically useless to meditate if you are under the influence of any intoxicant. Your meditation practice should not be clouded by the effects of alcohol or other drugs. Take the time to look carefully at your own life. If you have started using alcohol or drugs, or increased your use, consider honestly the effects on you, your relationships, work, finances, and literally everything else. Complete abstinence is not required, but when alcohol or other drugs are interfering with your life, the interference must end before meditation practice can truly help.

  Ongoing Traumatic or Toxic Situations

  Meditation is not a magic cure. Beginning to meditate can be a powerful stabilizing factor in your life, but if you are living in an ongoing situation that is dangerous or otherwise traumatic or toxic to you, do not expect all of that to change just because you started meditating! What changes as you meditate is you —how you respond, how you feel, how present and aware you are.

  It is very common for people who begin meditating to make significant changes in the circumstances of their lives—after a while. This action comes as the result of stopping and paying close attention to their own circumstances and their own reactions in those circumstances. It may help to remember that mindfulness is about being, not doing. By being more present, the doing becomes wiser. You could say that being informs doing .

  So if you are in a toxic situation, you may have to change before significant change happens in the situation. However, these situations are similar to the ones involving alcohol, drugs, or medication side effects. If the toxic situation is so disturbing that it actually interferes with your meditation practice, you may have to make a determined effort to take care of yourself first so the meditation can have a chance to help.

  Keep in Mind

  For meditation to help you calm your anxious mind and live the life you deserve, these internal and external supports are vital. As you learn to handle skillfully the internal attitudes, the external conditions, and some difficult but common obstacles, you will begin to realize the profound power of mindfulness in your life. Remember to remain kind and patient with yourself and what you encounter. In this way, you will deepen your meditation practice immeasurably.

  Part 2

  Practicing Mindfulness

  Chapter 8

  Mindfulness in Everyday Life

  Everything happens in the present moment, yet how many of your moments go unnoticed?

  Each breath is precious, supporting life moment by moment, yet how often is your attention elsewhere as the breath rises and falls in your body?

  Your thoughts are not you, yet how much of your attention is spent in repeating stories and thought patterns while life goes on around you?

  Does fear, worry, or anxiety intrude into your awareness, distracting you and separating you from the unfolding experience of your life?

  As human beings, we have all answered yes to these questions at one time or another. You are not different from anyone else in that regard.

  We develop habits of inattention, distraction, and absence over years. Endless busyness and hurrying weaken our concentration and ability to connect deeply with things.

  Modern culture encourages us to practice not being present. As a result, it is to be expected that teaching yourself to be more present will take some energy and determination. It takes a commitment on your part, and daily effort.

  Being present could be easier than you think. It could be just a breath away.

  You may find it helpful to think about “being present” not so much as doing something, but as entering a familiar territory and being there deeply. In this view, it can make sense to say “coming into presence .”

  Here, “presence” could be thought of as a dimension of consciousness that welcomes and receives all experience arising in the present moment. Presence is a dimension you can enter, leave, and return to, and one that you can recognize.

  Presence has qualities of attention, awareness, stillness, and spaciousness. The attention is sharp, steady, and welcoming; the awareness is bright, clear, and without prejudice; and stillness and spaciousness are palpable and vast.

  Perhaps practicing the art of mindfulness is actually your doorway into the dimension of presence, a place where there exists the possibility of inclusion, connection, and understanding with anything in your life.

  You already have what you need to be more present in your life. The power of mindfulness is in you now. To realize that power requires that you begin to pay attention more closely and with the essential attitudes of nonjudging, patience, beginner’s mind, trust, nonstriving, acceptance, and letting go. Your mindfulness will grow stronger as you practice it. In addition to formal meditation, it is very important to practice mindfulness informally in the ordinary activities and experiences of daily life.

  As you develop your practice of mindfulness, this apparent separation of formal and informal practice will begin to fade. A stronger sense of presence develops within, regardless of outer circumstances. This strengthened capacity to be present will empower you to overcome fear, worry, and anxiety when they appear. It will also empower you to experience more fully the richness and joy in your own life.

  A good place to begin practicing mindfulness is in everyday activities. To be more present, you can begin by paying attention to the things you would not and do not usually notice:

  The sensation of this breath going in and out

  The feeling of pressure or contact of your back against the chair

  The sound of a car passing outside on the street

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p; The smell of your food just before it goes into your mouth

  The taste of the third and fourth bites of your sandwich

  The way shadows fall on your table from the afternoon sunlight

  This list could go on and on. It is literally endless. The point is that so much of life is unnoticed that not noticing has become a habit.

  To build a new habit, a habit of being present, you only have to begin to pay attention to what is already here. It is simple, but it is not easy!

  How you pay attention is crucial. Pay attention mindfully . This means noticing without judgment and without trying to make anything happen. Stop trying to change things. This attention is allowing . There is curiosity. There is beginner’s mind. There is not-knowing (not telling a story about it, not thinking you already know what is here because you have a lot of thoughts about it).

  Paying attention mindfully also means paying attention gently, softly, and steadily. And, paying attention not just with your eyes, or your mind, but with your whole body, your whole being. Can you open to the fullness of experience arising in this moment? Can you include in awareness the experience arising in each of your senses?

  As you approach life this way, being more sensitive to the details of daily experience, paying attention on purpose, you are training your mind to be present. You are awakening to the experience of living fully. You begin to discover the spaciousness and stillness that is inside. This spaciousness can begin to support you. It is there for you in managing fear, panic, and anxiety. It will be there for other demanding visitors like anger, grief, or despair, as well. And it will be there for the joys of life, too .